From the Pastor's Desk | December 28

In our second reading, from the third chapter of St. Paul’s letter to the Colossians, we hear that sentence in verse eighteen that trips us up a little bit: “Wives, be subordinate to your husbands, as is proper to the Lord” (Colossians 3:18).  Upon reading this one sentence some folks get upset with St. Paul and accuse him of misogyny.  I do not think for a minute that St. Paul was misogynistic.  

In order to fully understand St. Paul’s point, we also have to read the next sentence - verse nineteen: “Husbands, love your wives, and avoid any bitterness toward them (Colossians 3:19).  St. Paul’s point is that man and woman - particularly in marriage - complement each other which has always been the Church’s teaching.  But, because of human weakness and sin, those differences and complementarities can be seen as obstacles and barriers leading to dysfunction, poor communication, and misunderstanding.   

Genesis 1:27 states, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”  Furthermore, in Matthew’s Gospel, replying to Pharisees’ question about divorce, Jesus himself says, “Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (Matthew 19:4-5).

The point is, in God’s great design and plan for creation (and more precisely marriage and family life), he created the sexes differently.  Men are different from women and women are different from men - physically and psychologically.  Both are equal in dignity and respect, to be sure, but each brings their uniqueness and gifts to the marriage covenant.  And, as each grows in their sacramental marriage vows and in their relationship to Christ, the closer they become to the other until the two are one flesh just as Jesus said, “I and the Father are One” (John 10:30).    

Rather than get upset or accuse St. Paul of misogyny, I think we must pay particular attention to St. Paul’s teaching today more than ever.  I think St. Paul’s teaching is a call to reclaim a truly Catholic masculinity, particularly in a culture that pushes to blur or deny any differences between man and woman.  In the beginning, when God created man, he created Adam to be a caretaker and protector.  His sin was that he failed to keep the serpent out of the garden - he didn’t even know the serpent was in the garden!  He did not live up to his masculinity and his role of protecting his wife Eve.    

Vital to understanding masculinity is first understanding our own sonship - our being beloved sons of God the Father.  I see this as one of the downfalls of our modern culture - men not leaning into their relationship with God the Father and thereby not leading the family into that deep relationship.  Some fathers check the box by, at least, bringing their families to Mass.  Some fathers have given up on right worship altogether.  Some fathers subcontract the religious formation of their children to schools or catechists without any formation in the home.  That doesn’t say much for leading the family - the domestic Church - into an ever deepening relationship with the Trinity (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit).

In ancient Judaism, the father was the family’s priest - leading religious rituals in the home and teaching the family in matters of the faith.  Similarly, the Church sees the father and husband as a type of priest for the family.  What is a priest?  Someone who offers sacrifice.  Someone who empties himself for another.  Someone who leads religious ritual and prayer.  Someone who teaches the faith, encouraging a growing relationship with God.  As men, are we truly living up to who we are called to be particularly in the context of family life?

As a former high school chaplain, I can promise you that children (girls and boys alike) look up to their fathers immensely and watch them very closely.  If you - as husband and father - take your relationship with God seriously, so also will your children.  But, if your relationship with God is unimportant, so will it be for your children.  A 1994 study in Switzerland about the connection between the habits of fathers and mothers and the effect each had on their children shows that “...if a father does not go to church, no matter how faithful his wife’s devotions, only one child in 50 will become a regular worshipper. If a father does go regularly, regardless of the practice of the mother, between two-thirds and three-quarters of their children will become churchgoers (regular and irregular). If a father goes but irregularly to church, regardless of his wife’s devotion, between a half and two-thirds of their offspring will find themselves coming to church regularly or occasionally” (A Father’s Role in His Children Going to Church When They Are Adults, Justin Taylor, December 16, 2010).  It’s easy to disregard this study as being some 30 years old, but those numbers still hold and are still cited today.     

Like Adam, men have a particularly sacred duty to help their families get to heaven.  If we aren’t striving for that then we have failed as men.     

Know of my prayers for you all! 

Fr. Ryan