From the Pastor's Desk | October 1, 2023

Safe Haven Sunday 

Next weekend, October 7-8, 2023 is Safe Haven Sunday throughout the Diocese of Lansing.  However, I am writing about it this week because next week’s bulletin will include our annual report.  Safe Haven Sunday is inspired by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops’s statement Create in Me a Clean Heart: A Pastoral Response to Pornography.  The weekend is set aside within the liturgical calendar by dioceses and parishes to directly address the societal harms of pornography.  

Anecdotally, having been a high school chaplain, I can promise you that the scourge of pornography affects our youth. Even if we think it does not, it does!  In speaking with a friend of mine who is also a psychologist that works with many families and children, the most important thing she tells me is that our kids have secrets that we have no clue about.  Most of these secrets are found on their cell phones.  Why are they secrets?  Because our kids are ashamed to talk about them, and we, as trusted adults or parents, are uncomfortable having these difficult conversations with them or with others.  You will see in the statistics below that 71% of teens hide their online behavior from their parents.  

Here are just some of the most up-to-date statistics regarding pornography taken from Covenant Eyes: 

• 90% of teens and 96% of young adults are either encouraging, accepting, or neutral when they talk about porn with their friends.
• Just 55% of adults 25 years or older believe porn is wrong.
• Only 43% of teens believe pornography is bad for society, compared to 31% of young adults 18-24, 51% of Millennials, 44% of Gen-Xers, and 59% of Baby Boomers.
• Nearly 27% of teens receive “sext” messages from others. (A “sext” message is a sexually explicit text message, oftentimes including photos.)
• Around 15% of teens are sending “sext” messages.
• 57% of teens are searching for pornography at least monthly.
• 51% of male students and 32% of female students first viewed pornography before their teenage years. 
• On average, the first exposure to pornography is 12 years old. 
• 71% of teens hide their online behavior from their parents. 
• 68% of divorce cases involved one party meeting a new partner on the internet.
• 56% of divorce cases involved one party having an “obsessive interest in pornographic websites.” 
• Prolonged exposure to pornography leads to: 
  • Diminished trust between intimate couples
  • Belief that promiscuity is the natural state
  • Lack of attraction to family and natural child raising

All of these statistics seem daunting!  How can we overcome the scourge of pornography?  Well, let me offer just a few practical tips: 

• Let’s not bury our heads in the sand.  Pornography is everywhere!  I promise you, even if you may not see it, it is there.  It’s not just websites.  It is in social media including Tik Tok, Snapchat, and Instagram.  There are websites providing widespread distribution of free pornographic material that is easily accessible by everyone including our youth.  Our teens are now also using “hookup” apps to meet strangers.    
• Let’s face the fact that, as a society, we have a problem, and that, as the statistics show, perhaps the problem has infiltrated our homes, our families, or even ourselves.  We aren’t immune to this. 
• Ask the questions, what am I looking for?  Why do I do what I do?  Be honest in answering those questions.  More often than not our behavior manifests because we are seeking some desire that has not been met in our lives.        
• Pray!  I know it sounds cliche coming from a priest, but it is true.  Lean into prayer all the more to give ourselves a chance to hear what God actually says about us.  Pray into the answer to the questions above.  
• Talk about it!  One of the best pieces of advice given to me from a priest is that there is nothing in my life that at least one other person doesn’t know about.  Talk about these struggles with your confessor, with your pastor, with a spiritual director, with a trusted friend who wants what is best for you, etc.
• Take advantage of the sacraments often, most especially the sacraments of Reconciliation and Holy Eucharist.  We need grace!  
• Use whatever means are available to detract ourselves from the problem.  Sites and tools like Covenant Eyes will filter out questionable websites and will offer third party accountability.
• Always remember that Christ has conquered this!  He’s already won even though we fall back into the same old habits.  Lean into His victory!

Let us pray for each other, for our society, and most of all our youth! Find other resources to help with the issue of pornography by clicking here or visiting covenanteyes.com. I hope that you will find these resources helpful.    

Staff Retreat

For some happier news, on Friday, September 22, our staff enjoyed a remarkable retreat hosted by Peter and Debbie Herbeck from Renewal Ministries in Ann Arbor, MI.  It was awesome getting off-site and entering into a day of prayer together.  Peter’s talk centered on God’s truth - what does God say to us vs. what do we say to ourselves especially living in confusing and distressing times?  God has the power, the authority, and the truth yet we can be so hard on ourselves and on others.  Debbie’s talk centered on love - listening to what God says about us to us and leaning into His love so that we can then authentically love others.  They were phenomenal and much needed!  We ended the day with some large group sharing and then adoration with praise and worship.  The best part about the day, for me, was watching the Holy Spirit move among the staff as we entered into adoration and worship.  We ended the day huddled around the altar with the Blessed Sacrament exposed singing praise to our Lord!  It was uplifting!  I am proud to be working with such a staff who are open to the promptings of the Holy Spirit!